This story is for all those women who find themselves overly obsessing about their weight, their fat, their cellulite, etc. It is for those women who have become so worried about what they should or shouldn’t eat, what the right way to eat (or not eat) is and obsess about their exercise. It is for all those women that have lost sight of the beautiful person they truly are and have been so focused on the negative that they have forgotten how to see the positive. Weight, Exercise, Nutrition – we are all focused on those topics. They are important. But, often, we forget that what rules over all these is our image of ourselves. The only thing that truly matters is what we think of ourselves – how we see ourselves. I hope this story helps you to remember to stop obsessing and stop worrying. And start looking at yourself from a new perspective. Face, handle and conquer your underlying issues. Take responsibility for you. Remember – with that extra weight, cellulite or not – you are still the same person on the inside. Losing weight or gaining weight doesn’t change that. So – who are you? And who do you want to be?
There was a girl, many years ago, and every time she looked in the mirror all she felt was disgust and loathing. All she saw was how fat she was, how hideous her hair was, and she felt worthless, lonely and sad. She focused only on what she felt was “wrong” with her and was incapable of seeing anything good about herself. This girl obsessed about her physical appearance and all the hurt, anger & sadness from other areas of her life were all pushed together and integrated into her mind as “self-worth = how she looked”. It was because of what was in her mind and thoughts (hurt, anger, sadness, depression – stemming from issues ignored and pushed deep down), she slowly put on 20, then 30, then 40 pounds all throughout high school and college, and into her adult years – until it finally topped out at 80 pounds overweight. All issues went undealt with as they had been covered up and buried in her mind & replaced with thoughts of – “why am I so fat”, “why can’t I just be normal”, “what the hell is wrong with me”. All her feelings of “I am not enough, nor am I worthy of love” were wrapped up in her appearance. If she could just lose some weight, she would be loveable. She was of incapable seeing a different perspective.
At thirty, she was married and had just given birth to her first child. But this child had started to change something inside of her. She had been starting to slowly see that she was somebody and with the birth of her daughter she latched on to the love her of her child. A shift occurred. She desperately wanted to be healthy for her daughter. She began a year and a half long journey and lost the 80 pounds. She started gaining some confidence, started feeling as if maybe she wasn’t as hideous as she had always believed. And, because her physical appearance started to be more in-line with what she felt it should to “be somebody”, she continued to ignore all those deep-seated issues and kept them buried deep down. She still obsessed about her body and her appearance. She now switched her obsession so that she was inspecting every “flaw” each time she looked in the mirror and began to be obsessed with being skinny. Skinny equaled worthy.
The years rolled past and this girl was now in her mid-thirties. She had three beautiful daughters and a job she greatly enjoyed. However, she was severely depressed & miserable. Her marriage was falling apart and she still felt as if she was not yet “perfect enough” to be good, to be worthy of being loved. After her divorce she became even skinnier – skinnier than she had been her whole life. Not an unhealthy looking skinny (as all around her complimented her on how amazing she looked). It was an unhealthy skinny nevertheless. Her body was undernourished & not healthy on the inside. She still focused on how she looked as a measure of her worthiness. She obsessed about staying skinny, wondering how she could lose even more weight – “How skinny was she capable of getting?”. She still ignored all the issues of the past thirty years and she was still miserable and depressed.
Being skinny DID NOT MATTER. It did not fix everything as she has always believed.
Finally, her day of reckoning came. Her boyfriend of one year had broken up with her. This was a relationship that she had clung to for self-worth. In reality, this relationship pushed her deeper into the recesses of losing who she was – but she was incapable of seeing that. After the break-up this girl had a break-down. She couldn’t stop crying, she couldn’t go to work, she couldn’t sleep. She barely held it together in front of her kids and the remainder of time she spent in bed, in the dark, in complete misery. Her soul felt broken.
And then, her mom forced her up. Got her an appointment with the doctor and made her go to therapy. And the healing and transformation began. This girl built herself back up from seeing herself as nothing to (after lots of therapy and hard work) someone who looks in the mirror and sees beauty in herself. Someone who has battled her body image issues and who finally has a positive and loving relationship with herself. She was able to finally beat her demons. And because she dealt with her underlying issues, her obsession about being a certain weight and looking a certain way is now gone. All the good and positive things she now sees in the mirror were always there the whole time – she was just so mired down in the negative beliefs she had chosen that she couldn’t see them. She now takes care of her body and doesn’t obsess – she sees the whole person and no longer zeros in on parts. And SHE IS HAPPY. Flaws and all. Cellulite and all. She no longer obsesses about gaining or losing 5 lbs. She accepts herself as is and has learned how to maintain a healthy weight and to fix her body from the inside out.
I hope this girl’s story – my story – helps you to remember that the beauty of who you are is always there – waiting to shine through. Please remember to take a step back, a step out of the tunnel vision of seeing that “extra 10 pounds” or the cellulite or whatever it is you are obsessing about currently and really see YOU. You are a whole person and, while nutrition and exercise are important components of a happy and healthy life, they are not the only components.
As always – Be Who YOU are – Because you are AMAZING